He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
