so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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