margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
