thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
don't judge my taste in strippers
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
