If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
