Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
