Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
