went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
