Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
