Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
