he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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