Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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