Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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