i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
