perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
