who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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