Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
