Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
