I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize