What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so let's talk penis.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
