she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When are your genitals available?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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