none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
