still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
