She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need to sanitize my soul.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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