how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
