Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
