Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
