All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
