new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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