I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
