Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize