Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
