Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
