Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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