im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
