I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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