He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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