You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
