I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
