god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
