I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
