Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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