I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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