guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
