he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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