I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
thus making me awesome and them whores
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
