Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
