Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
