we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
