need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
