morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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