Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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