Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
