I cockslap morals
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize