How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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