sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
