I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
birth control should be required to get into college
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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