I forgot how hot balto sounded
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
