Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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