just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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