I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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