I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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