I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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