You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
