I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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