I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
