so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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