More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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