Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
