you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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