you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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