I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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