You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
