Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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