If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
