My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How's work?
Spinning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
