There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
