When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize