He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
